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I did not ask to be like this. This was not a choice that I made one day. There was a time early in my transition that I was angry because I was transgender. I was angry at myself, at the world, and everyone in it. Being transgender ruined my life. I didnt always know that I was transgender but I always knew I was different. I wasnt like other men. I never really fit in, I used to get made fun of, I got left out a lot. I thought I was less than, I thought I wasnt good enough, I thought I wasnt man enough. I got picked on and got into a lot fights and a lot of trouble.

I overcompensated and put my life at risk many times to prove I had balls and it was never good enough. I needed a constant supply of alcohol and dope to cope with life and my feelings. Even when I got clean I was never really happy. I thought I had a crossdressing fetish since early childhood and it was a deep dark secret, I thought I would die if anyone ever found out. I never even told my ex wife about it. I got to a point in my life where I was a homeless dope addict and I didnt care if I lived or died anymore. I decided to show my secret to the world. I started dressing as a woman in public. I eventually moved to San Francisco and realized that I was a woman. All my questions got answered about my life, about feeling different from men, about the way I felt, about the way I thought. Everything started making sense. I stopped doing Dope and reconciled with God, the anger went away and the true me came out more and more. I have been living as the true me for 3 years now and it hasn’t been all joy and happiness, but thats life. I’m the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Toni

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