It was the middle of 2015 and I was 6 months into HRT. I had already discovered that I was a woman and made my decision to transition. I was also 6 months into heroin maintenance because I am a dope addict. I had a bad needle fetish and instead of taking my meds the right way I used to wake up and mainline them.
One morning I did my medication and got so sick I had to call 911. When the paramedics got there I had a 104 temperature and they seemed to be very worried about my vital signs. They rushed me to the hospital and got my vital signs stable, and after hours of tests I was told I had endocarditis and my blood was infected too, I was told that I would have to be admitted to the hospital because they had to give me I.V. antibiotics for a week or two. I was also told that I would have to be on antibiotic pills for months to kill the infection.
I was in the hospital for 2 days and they refused to give me my maintenance meds. They kept putting me off with excuses. I was sinking into a bad depression and the antibiotics were making me sick to my stomach. I was starting to go into opiate withdrawals and I was starting to get very worried. I never felt so alone in my life, I didnt know what to do.
I broke down and cried. I cried out to God in Jesus name. I asked Him to help me get through this and help me get my life together. Being sick like I was was too much to handle for me with everything else that was going on in my life. A little while later I asked for my meds again and they put me off, gave me excuses. I got pissed off and tore the IVs out of my arm and left. I went home and took my meds and went back to the hospital and they wouldnt let me back in. I couldnt understand it, I was so sick and they tresspassed me from the hospital. I got escorted out by security. I wound up going home to my own bed and I crying myself to sleep.
The next morning I got up and went to another hospitals emergency room and I told them what happened. They admitted me and did all the tests over again including a sonogram of my heart. I was keeping myself together well. I had a backpack with me with everything I needed for a hospital stay. Finally a doctor came in with a clipboard and told me to sign some papers. He told me I was out of there because there was nothing wrong with me. He told me I was perfectly healthy for someone my age. I was blown away. I didnt know what to think at first and then I remembered praying in the other hospital. God heard my prayer and answered it, He took care of me and healed me because I am one of His children, and He is awesome. I was so happy that I walked home (about 1 1/2 miles) smiling all the way and praising and thanking Him.
This is how I know that I am not a mistake, that God made me this way. That I am not an abomination. This is what helped me to finally decide to transition fully and to accept and love myself just the way I am.